My body had to endure a lot: Nearly 40 years of nicotine, excessive drinking, medications, and all kinds of drugs, including mixed drug cocktails.
My body took its revenge. My hair became thinner and started falling out, my teeth rotted and also fell out one after another. At the worst point, I went months without any sexual desire.
I developed serious liver problems, with significantly elevated liver values. The doctors warned me that the organ wouldn’t be able to take it for much longer. In addition, I have been suffering from chronic hepatitis C ever since – an inflammation of the liver that causes permanent damage to the organ.

Mental health problems and depression, accompanied by suicidal thoughts and several suicide attempts, also developed — they were both a cause and a consequence of my addiction — a vicious cycle. For over ten years, I repeatedly tried to take my own life with alcohol and pills. But I never succeeded: I was always found in time and taken to the hospital. I also tried to jump off a bridge several times, but at the last moment I always lost my courage. The thought of being run over and torn apart by a train also crossed my mind a few times. Once I even cut my wrist with a razor blade while lying in bed. When I saw the blood, I realized what I had done and got help.

At the age of 27, my legs became ill. After a mountain hike, I developed pain that wouldn’t go away. My condition worsened month by month. I had to walk with crutches and experienced pain while standing, walking, sitting, and lying down. My right leg became partially deformed. I had a hip problem and was first operated on my right hip, then on my left hip. Since this brought no improvement, I received hip replacements at such a young age. There is no medical explanation for the hip problems; it is very likely that the drugs caused them.
In 2008, the condition of my legs worsened. Additionally, in April 2009, doctors diagnosed a deterioration of the bone tissue. Since then, I have had recurring pain and have had to use crutches. Further surgeries are planned in the coming years. It is possible that I will eventually depend on a wheelchair. What hurts me the most is that, because of this disability, I was never able to play football or run around with my children.



Because of my addiction, I damaged not only my liver and hips but also developed other illnesses in the years that followed. In 1997, my liver values steadily worsened, and in September 1997, I had to undergo gallstone surgery. One month later, I experienced pancreatitis for the first time, which then repeatedly occurred over the next six months. I suffered from terrible pain, lost weight down to 54 kilograms (about 119 pounds), and at times believed that my life was coming to an end.
In the following months, I was hospitalized frequently and was unable to work properly for almost a year. It was only through special examinations that the doctors were able to identify the causes of the pancreatitis, and they restored my health through several surgeries. Additionally, I developed a skin disease, which is likely related to drug use.

Today, I am disabled.

Be aware: all addictive substances — whether cigarettes, alcohol, medication, or drugs — harm your body!